I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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