Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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