Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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