it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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