I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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