A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
