her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
