New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
