i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
