His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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