So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
