I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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