a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
