yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
