I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
