so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize