i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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