Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
