I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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