And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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