The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
