On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
is that a dick in a sweater?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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