I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize