can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You may now shotgun with the bride
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
