At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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