i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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