we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
