i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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