Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
pray to the hookup gods
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
