Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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