I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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