So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
