This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize