You're completely useless in the revolution.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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