Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize