Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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