Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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