I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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