All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
