you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
