new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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