I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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