I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
