She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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