My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
