i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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