You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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