Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
