He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize