Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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