You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
if only i could text you this smell
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
