i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
