My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
