I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
