Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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