Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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