I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
