I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Two words: blizzard sex
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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