for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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