I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
