Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
