When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
