He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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