What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
