I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
