yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
