I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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