Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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