im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
