shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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