question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
