I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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