if i can run in heels then i can drive
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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