I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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