I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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