forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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