he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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