i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just had sex on a roof
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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