She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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