Whod you bang
I wish you could order shots online.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
