The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
sarcasm needs its own font
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
