we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Pants are for mortals
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
