I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
