At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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