So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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