he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
