Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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