he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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