You work out of a Hotel?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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