haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
