soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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