We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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