I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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