Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
