My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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