My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
